Caffeine is everywhere, and no one says it's really bad, unless  you have a problems, like drink more than 5 cups a day; or unless you are some kind of extreme religion which says you can't have any stimulants.

But the fact is, the stuff isn't really good for you. It perks you up by triggering up your fight-or-flight juices and then, after a nice little adrenal rush, you crash a couple of hours later. Throw in the cream, sugar and bakery items that are served alongside, and you've got a heart-attack waiting to happen. Because I don't know about you, but I don't take my coffee black. I've also never seen a coffee shop without pastries.

I'm writing all this gloom and doom about caffeine, the big C, because I am trying to quit. I had nothing caffeinated on Friday or Saturday, and only decaf coffee today. This means I am in my fuzzy-ookie place.  Slight headache, sleepy, a little upset stomach, difficulty focusing. Just a great blanket of blah. But this is typical of the symptoms of withdrawal, at least according to WikiPedia:


I'm just tired of being a junkie. I want to find out what it's like to live without these heavy-duty stimulants. I gave up nicotine like 3 or 4 years ago, and that worked out okay, though I still have the odd craving. But in some ways, caffeine is worse. First off, I love coffee-shops, especially independents like Bob's Java Hut. I like to spend some time writing there on most days. Just journal stuff, really. I love the taste and smell of coffee, of course.  Since Minneapolis went smokeless, the nicotine thing has been made easier in such places. But I'm kind of doubting there will be any regulations around caffeine.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's evil. It's just addictive, and has these unfortunate side-effects, like jitters. For most people, that's not a very big thing, since they aren't sensitive to it. But I have a hereditary case of the shakes, essential tremor they call it, or familial tremor, since it runs in my family. Through caffeine (and sugar) on top and it becomes a bit of a problem. I've also just been paying more attention to what my body really needs, lately. I've been trying to stick to a REAL FOOD diet. Specifically, I shop the outer-ring of the grocery store, no processed or packages foods, or if they are packaged, only ingredients you don't need a science background to understand. Basically, I'm tired of feeling tired and crappy and I want to feed my body the stuff it is adapted to for healthy living, rather than strings of chemicals and stimulants to keep going.

So I'm quitting caffeine for the most part, mostly cold-turkey, because I was down to 1 cup a day.  But the stuff is everywhere, and now that there are energy drinks everywhere, you have to be careful, no matter how "all natural" a thing claims to be. Caffeine is all natural. It's just a natural pesticide. (Yup . . . that's what that's there for in the plant . . . to kill bugs). So why do I want to drink it and be addicted to it? I can't think of a good reason. The health benefits folks try to apply to caffeine are much more reliably applied to eating right an exercise. I also have to wonder about who is funding all the studies which say it's good for you.

I'm on day 3 of low/no caffeine. It will get better in a couple of days. In the meanwhile, I just think about it and whine a bit.

The smell of swimming pool wafts up to the consuite. The squelch of plastic covered carpet sticking to sneakers as we try to walk to the poolside party suites to see what is what. Familiar faces. Late-night panels, music, goths, nerds, pagans and everything in-between. It was good to be with the tribe. It's been a long time. Unfortunately, I only had a few hours to spend on a borrowed badge. But that's more than I had in years. Maybe next year I can actually attend, and maybe the year after I'll be able to afford a room again.

But while I was there I did realize just how much I love my job. Because I was still "on" while there, of course. Visiting the Pagan Pride booth, getting a bunch of fliers to hand out at the store (because they can never manage to get us any in advance). But talking about the upcoming events, and the great discussion, and just all the coolness that happens at the store.

Still, I need to get writing more. Fill in those missing pieces of meaning in my life. Practice, practice, practice.

And I'm a double Gemini.

and a twin

Thought I'd share. I don't track planets, so I don't know what's going on out there.  I can't really tell you what's going on in here.  Much busy. Good busy. Busy busy. Behind busy. No thinkee. No plannee. Just doee. Kinda tired, but not in a bad way.

Well, that's my update for the past three months.

Can't believe it's been that long since I posted.

I hear fourth street fantasy convention is getting juiced up for the big weekend in June. I plan on going.  They want us to deal, but I'd much rather do panels. 

I haven't had a vacation in two years.

The following is a rant:

I don't know if it is a specifically Pagan thing or not, but there are all these little organizations out there which basically have the same or overlapping goals, but they won't work together.  This has come up again due to the demise of EvenStar, the long-time pagan store in St. Paul.  The School of the Sacred Paths was associated with EvenStar, and they are continuing on without the store . . . we think.  It's all kind of vague.  But one of the former EvenStar owners is trying to start up a Pagan Center. It's all in caps of course, as if this was the first time anyone came up with the idea. 

But they didn't, there's EarthHouse, which admittedly has a focus of an annual gathering, rather than actually figuring out how to set up a community center. In seven years, they'd managed to raise $5000.00. Well, that would keep a center open for a couple of months, maybe. So, frankly, I just think of them as a festival which doesn't lose money. They charge $20 a year for membership, and it doesn't really get you much.

Okay, so I'm a bigmouth, what would I do to make EarthHouse a real option, or for that matter, the Sacred Paths Center as an alternative?

1) Membership would be an automatic, recurring monthly payment (which you can setup via Paypal) of at least $5 a month (which the center is proposing)
2) I would provide something for those who put that $5 toward the goal:
    a) Put out at least a quarterly publication via Web.
    b) Host at least quarterly events, and preferably more frequent as fundraising, community building opportunities
    c) I would welcome newbies and offer seeker classes
    d) Offer regular classes and workshops to raise additional revenues
    e) Have regular training for board members on community building, facilitation, and emotional intelligence
    f) Be on MySpace and FaceBook and Witchvox and update events
3) Have members on an Advisory Board from Pagan Pride, Harmony Tribe, Northern Dawn COG, and WiCoM, at least, and NOT one person who is on more than one.
4) Set a date for when it would be a reality or the money would be forfeit to an agreed-upon charity and stop wasting everyone's time.

Then there's the New Alexandrian Library project. And the Harriet Lake Spiritual Community. And, And, And all these Pagan and post-Hippy earth-centered Spirit organizations that don't get it. They just don't get it. All I see are egos bouncing off of one another and no future. Everyone wants something for nothing. And they want it their own way. No compromise. And when they do make a decision, no follow-up. They don't want to have to grow or change.  How do I know this? Well, I know how often we get flyers at the store. I know how many people come in wondering if there are any Pagans in the Twin Cities, if there are any Covens or anything at all.

Public radio did a story this morning about how the money has run out for those $40 off coupons for the converter boxes so you can pick up digital TV when everything switches over in February.  So now everyone is panicking.  This is a huge issue.  If people can't watch TV, it's like the end of the world or something. They said the only options for those who haven't gotten their coupon are:

1. Get cable or satelite TV
2. Pony up the $80 for the converter out of your pocket
3. Buy a digital TV
4. Cross your fingers and hope expired coupons which weren't used will free up some money.

Excuse me, isn't there a fifth option? How about . . .

5. Stop watching broadcast TV, maybe even sell your TV Set and pocket the $50 or whatever you get for it.

Then go out and live your life. Wondering what to do?

• Read a book or ten from your list
• Visit friends and family
• Take up a sport
• Cook your own meals for a change, from scratch
• Join Netflix and choose what you watch
• Listen to the radio
• Write
• Paint
• Knit
• Take a class
• Create

You will survive.  You will even thrive. Running out of coupons for the converter and leaving people stranded with no TV could be the best thing that's happened to this country in decades.  I quit watching TV about a decade ago now. I haven't missed it.  I still watch DVDs on occasion. But I watch something because it's interesting to me, not because there's "nothing to do." 

In addition to my awesome store, Eye of Horus Metaphysical, there are some new kids on the block, within walking distance.

First came the Common Roots Cafe where they serve up beer or coffee and awesome made-from-scratch organic food. Highly recommended. They use local sources for the food, too.

Then, we discovered the wonders of Tiger Sushi 2. Lovely, tasty, and affordable if you can just drink water.

Finally, there is the coolest thing ever over at Moto-I - it's a Saki Brewhouse. The first in the US and possibly the first outside of Japan. Way, way cool.

Stop by tonight between 7 and 9 pm for cake and door prizes, and just to wish the Eye of Horus a happy birthday:

click here for details/directions

PBS is conducting a poll that asks whether or not people feel that VP candidate Sara Palin is qualified to serve. When I put in my answer this afternoon, a majority agreed she was. Regardless of how your opinion, feel free to answer the poll here: http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html.

Oh, and spread the word. Let's get a reality check in here somewhere.

See, the thing is about being boss of your own business is that you have to make sure certain things get done. Then there's the really cool things you want to see have happen.  Then there's supposed to be something like a life, but I haven't had that for a couple of weeks, now.

Cool things.  See, we're a little corporation, and we believe that corporations don't have to be EVYIL. You can build things into bylaws and vision statements and such, to prevent the soul-lessness from sneaking in.  So, we've been working hard on getting greener, as part of our stated mission of being a sustainable company.

You see, we're a metaphysical store.  Pagans, earth-based spirituality, conscious living and all that. So we're putting our efforts and money where our values are, you see.  I've created a page to show all the cool things we've been doing to be renewable, lower our carbon footprint, and plant trees.  We sell books, you see, and so far, books aren't made of 100% recycled paper.  So, we try to make up for it. See how we're keeping an Eye on the Environment.

Not only that, but I've been spending my time doing press releases for the Eco-Libris program that's part of the whole Greener Eye movement.  Plus we're trying to figure out software, and leaner ordering, and we've a new art show coming up which I have to write up and get on the website, and tons of classes which I have to write up and put in the online catalog and on the website and on various online calendars. Then there's the whole store remodel thingy, which includes a massive cleaning program. And ads for local newspapers and national magazines which I need to do/follow-up on.

Then there's receiving and ordering cool new things, building relationships with new vendors, getting into a mentorship program so I know I'm doing the right things.

Not to mention the website I was paid to do about 3 months ago and haven't finished yet.

And our website, where I have to finish changing all the product codes so they are the same as they are on our store inventory system, so we can do daily updates of quantity on-hand and pricing and such.

All this week.

I'm a little Type A.

And a lot Gemini.

And I'm taking Saturday Night OFF!

About my writing.  I've been in love with my work, you see.  So I haven't been doing words, at least in a fictional sense. But I've been gathering ideas for more story fodder.  I feel the word rhythms in below my bones tapping away sometimes at night, sometimes in the morning. I'll get there. I just don't know when, or really why.  It's the rhythm that always lures me in.

I'm writing for work. Web copy. Newsletters. Stuff like that.

Obsessed with it right now, and every aspect of the business.  It's like I want to keep getting paid or something. But I'm also enjoying the heck out of it. Go figure.
 
That's it. Thought I should say something...  Don't know when I'll be able to pop in again.

995 on a new piece of fiction.  I've realized the other one I'm working on is probably a novel.  Now, I've got nothing against novels, any more than a sixteen year old has against marriage . . . eventually.

I just wanted to date. Work on short pieces, I could get to know pretty well in passing, enjoy, and then move onto something new.  A little of this, a little of that, requiring a certain amount of showing up on time for a few dates, but not requiring commitment.

But I am enjoying the novel.  Maybe there's more monogamy in writing than I thought. It's just that, well, the novel requires more thought and stewing, so right now, it is not a daily affair of words. More like of ideas.

The new piece, I'm pretty sure, is a short story, or novella at the most.  I got part of the seed idea for it from a dream I had last night, and part from some ideas that have been kicking around for a while.  I am enjoying it.  I should be able to finish the first draft within a couple of weeks.  I'm hoping to work my way back up over a thousand words, but once the initial download of backlogged things started, I suddenly find myself with having to create more from scratch.  So i've got muscles to build. Not only the writing ones, but the hunting and gathering ones need to be going all the time that I'm not just sitting and writing.

In a sense, I'm writing all the time, just not in so many words.

909 fiction, plus a post on my other weblog, Geek Guide to Life.

I seem to be writing in layers.  Getting all kinds of bits and pieces which I'm sticking in at the beginning, or the end, or somewhere in the middle of the thing I'm working on, making the skeleton a bit, well, fleshier.

No time for musing, though. I've got to go be a metaphysical geek.

Bye

I'm sitting at Bob's, not writing, and not smoking.  Not writing because I took a day off the writing yesterday to set up a desk at home so I don't have to do this from a coffee shop.  So rather than write, I'm dancing around doing everything else, like an idiot, and not smoking because I don't smoke.  Nope, quit September 2006.  I don't smoke. Nope. Don't.

Why do addictive things have to be bad for you?  Why can't they be good?  Why can't they help you live longer and be nicer to people?

I mean, what the hell is the biology doing, to make you crave and crave a thing which well, leaves me coughing and shaking every morning, and tired all the time, except when I'm doing it. But still, almost two years after quitting, I get the craving.  Maybe it's because the last time I started was 2006, when my father was going into hospice. It's that same time of year, and I'm looking at the anniversary of my father's passing.  So the trigger is there in my memory. 

Still no excuse.

I'm hoping writing is addictive.  Sometimes it has been, for me.  But I've been avoiding it all day.  Sitting and reading the DVD extras for Shadow Unit. Sitting thinking about smoking.  I suppose I could go to one of the front tables, where I can get drifting smoke.  Yeah, go second-hand smoking.  Nope.  They're pulling down the door now, must be turning on the AC.

Sigh, I want to live. No smoking, then.  Just wished I didn't like it so damn much.  The ritual, the taste, the immediate rush,, the moment in its fullness. A weird form of deathly meditation on a stick.

I know . . . I'll get more caffeine . . .

Yeah. I'm still harping on the writing. I'm working mostly on a fictional piece which is up over 6500 words now, and there's a lot more tale lurking. Sometimes I think it's just drivel. Sometimes I'm enjoying watching the story unfold. Sometimes I worry I'm going to write myself out into a desert somewhere and not figure out where to go next.  But that doesn't seem to be happening.

I have no idea how long this is going to be. None at all. I'm just being completely self-indulgent with the material, too, and probably somewhat derivative. But that's okay.  This is practice.  And it's an interesting process.

I gotta go now, though.  Gotta help my sis pack more books.  Moving. It's such fun. Not really. I hope she can put down roots. She needs a little stability for a change.

Kind of wanted to play hookie today.  It's because I was in the middle of something at the Eye when I had to leave last night, and I wanted to get back to it.  But I wrote like a good little pro.  1509. About another thousand of story, a bit of a poem, and some observations. In addition to morning pages, which I don't count, because those are all long-hand.

So, I'm planning on writing every day and establishing a habit, but I've never successfully set up a good habit, at least not that I can remember.  I'm trying to figure out how long it will take, so I googled it and came up with a thing about the conventional wisdom that's out there.  Some say it takes 21 days, but 7Breaths Debunks That and Neat & Simple Living follows up on it. Because some habits are easier than others to make or break, so the answer just may be . . . it depends.  There's a lovely little follow-up article at Productivity in Context which does a lovely job saving me time.  He did all the research I was going to, and it turns out there is no simple answer other than, well. Keep trying. Or typing, as the case may be.

Awkward, slow, uncomfortable, embarrassing to talk about, and I'm not flexible enough to really see what I'm doing. 

I'm out of time at 1273. Yesterday I ended at 1982, after a posse of descriptions came wobbling out just when I thought I was done writing.  I don't know where they go, not quite in the piece I'm working on.

But anyway, I guess it averages okay.

1653 is the magic number today. I was tempted to take a break and read some Shadow Unit, but decided to keep going, instead. Everything is pretty much pouring out, like it did yesterday when I choked, so I wanted to see how it would go if I kept at it. Every day I do this, I find myself discovering how natural the process is for me.  Some people say they don't like writing, but they like having written. Well, I like writing, too.  It's just the first draft, and I'm writing the story as it comes, not sure what shape it will take.  But stuff keeps coming as I write, and I don't really know what's around the next corner.  Oh, I have ideas. There are possibilities. There are hints.  But there's this lovely forward momentum, and here am I, not looking the gift horse in the mouth. Not yet.  That's what rewrites are for.

I'm also really enjoying the reading I'm doing, because it's like reading with new eyes. I'm much more aware what the author is doing. Oh, I enjoy the story all right, but I've got an added level of awareness of the craft. 

So now I'm feeling defensive and feel like I have to explain how, about 20-15 years ago or so, I was very much studying and practicing the craft, work-shopping, all that. So this writing stuff didn't just blossom in my head.  I'm not pretending it doesn't take work and learning.  I'm just enjoying the process and very, very happy to be mucking about in the word pond again, and slightly afraid my bubble will burst.

I like to think I"m old enough now, that if it does, I'll just blow another one.  Time for my treat.  1.06, here I come.

So, I just plowed through the first 600 or so, and then, for some reason, I decided it was going to smoothly or something, and took a break.  But that's okay, I came back to it and ended at a place where I've got some momentum and ideas. For anyone who's interested, it's fictional piece I'm working on, and I'm not really sure how long it will end up being.  I also just keep telling myself it's just the first draft, because it seems really spare in parts.  I thought I'd be all about description when I write, but it seems I'm more into dialog.

But that's all I'm saying about it.

Oh . . . 1506 (mostly fiction, some notes and stream-of-consciousness stuff in-between).